So we got two new recurring characters from the TVD universe....Convenience and Contrivance!
How I've missed them.
First of all....was it my screen or did the special effects look like shit in this episode?
I mean, it looked like they darkened her eyes with MS Paint or some shit like that. And then there was this:
Look, I'm not expecting MCU type of CGI special effects here, but Kai was clearly standing in front of a cheap green screen or a photo backdrop of the front of the school, and it looked horrible! Add to that Alaric's clearly fake beard and I'm beginning to wonder if the CW is strapped for cash or something.
Beyond that, let's get some questions out of the way in no particular order.
My first question is....how is it that this werewolf guy (I've already forgotten his name) can change into a partial wolf?
I do recall on TVD that werewolves could access a part of their powers as they got closer to a full moon, but never like this! The only wolves who could do this were the Crescent wolves from TO, and that was when Hayley, who was a hybrid, did some magical ceremony where they could all access their powers despite there not being a full moon. Otherwise, werewolves can't do this. And the excuse that he learned to control his powers is just contrived. As was this:
Just when Alaric needed someone with some medical knowledge, she shows up, humanity restored and all, ready to help! Rather convenient that Jade trained as an EMT for 6 years and was able to talk Alaric through a difficult operation. But beyond that, how the hell did Alaric even carry Lizzie all the way to the hospital? Her car crash was like WAAAAAAYYYY beyond the borders of Mystic Falls, and Alaric was able to carry her all the way to the hospital in town? And he didn't get any help from Josie (which was funny as she seemed uninterested about it). Actually, that brings up another question: why did Josie restore Jade's humanity? How did she restore it? She could have easily knocked her out to stop her from attacking Alaric. I'm thinking it was for that subtle callback to TVD when Klaus compelled Stefan to turn off his humanity, and when Elena asked him what he did, Klaus replied "I fixed him."
So when Josie restored Jade's humanity and Alaric asked the same question and Josie replied "I fixed her," it was a nice nod, though it made little sense. I think it would have been more appropriate if Hope had done it but that's beside the point.
I also want to know what the point of this was:
When Jade is talking Alaric through the operation and tells him to pick up this particular clamp and is describing it to him, Alaric replies "Yeah, I know what it is....my mother invented it." What the fuck? What is the significance of that line? Was this their way of explaining away Alaric's medical aptitude? I don't know....I thought that was a weird line to throw in there.
Then, of course, we get to the whole prison world issue.
Dark Josie stated that because the prison world runs on magic, that she could therefore siphon the magic to create pockets or holes in it which would allow everyone to return to the real world.
Well, that's just peachy keen, isn't it?
HELLO?!?!
This dude can siphon magic too! He's a Heretic!!!!
Why couldn't he do that in order to get out? Why didn't he bother to think of that? What the fuck kind of convenient writing is this? Not only that, but he also had another witch in his company which would have made their magical abilities all that much stronger. In the 10 years that he was with those other three, they couldn't figure it out to do what Josie did? I don't want to hear that only Josie could do it because she had dark magic. That's just too easy an explanation. This is why the whole siphoners/Heretic concept was such a bad idea. There are no rules to it (much like magic in general in the TVD universe) and they can do just about anything when it's convenient and find obstacles to NOT do something when they want to create some contrived drama.
Like, for example, Kai's final moment.
He was chained to that post thanks to magic. WHY DIDN'T HE SIPHON THE MAGIC OUT OF THOSE CHAINS TO SET HIMSELF FREE?!?! Did he forget that he could do that? He siphoned the entire Traveller spell off of Mystic Falls, siphoned vampire magic out of Sheriff Liz, and siphoned magic out of a knife. But he can't siphon magic out of some magical chains because of reasons. When Alaric came at him with that sword, why didn't Kai magically swat him away or telekinetically disarm him or something...ANYTHING?!? Hope threw a stake at him and he stopped it in mid air, like he was Kylo Fucking Ren using the Force.
So why couldn't he stop Alaric from killing him? This made little to no sense as to why Kai was so helpless in that situation. That he would stay chained to that post for the better part of the evening without even trying to siphon the magic out of it or doing something to set himself free just doesn't make any sense. However, maybe that's just his weakness......he forgets what he can do. Reminds me of the Bugs Bunny cartoon when Daffy Duck would fall off a cliff, and Bugs would question out loud "I wonder if that silly duck will remember that he can fly?" And then Daffy doesn't and goes SPLAT! on the ground. And Bugs is like "I guess not!" So I guess Kai is the new Daffy Duck! What a horrible way to go out.
Speaking of flying, now we have this.
And really, all I could do was go...
Again....convenient. And though I am somewhat impressed that Landon has that power, I worry about what they're going to do with it. Like every other power, I feel like they're going to waste it or not use it when it's convenient not to use it.
I was about to applaud the show for having the iron to kill off Dorian, because he's just basically useless as it is anyway. But beyond that, it would have raised the stakes on the show to have a semi-regular character bite the dust. And his death would have been heroic, so it wasn't a bad way to go out. But nope, Bonsai Head (or Lando as Kai called him) had to go and grow fire wings and fly him back to the school. This also completely negated the impact of the decision that Hope made.
I mean, it was very Dark Knight Joker-esque of Kai to give her those two options....save everyone in the prison world, or save Lando. She couldn't do both. Neither option, in the end, came with any kind of consequence. Sure, Hope was perhaps able to stall Alyssa long enough that Josie could get everyone back. Otherwise, she would have destroyed the Ascendant before they could all return. So I can't say her decision wasn't important. But I think this is why Dorian should have died, to give weight to the decision that Hope made and perhaps cause her to make a different decision in the future which would have bigger consequences. They played it too safe.
And then there is this fucker....
....who can't seem to decide whether he's good or bad. First off, when they were all wondering who was going to stay behind and become the Anchor (thank goodness Bonnie wasn't there because they'd have all volunteered her for the job), nobody thought of making it Drowned Pirate? Nobody liked him, including Lizzie, so I don't get why he never became an option. I suppose they didn't do it specifically for this dramatic, heroic turn on Sebastian's part to volunteer for it as a way to make it up to Lizzie. How romantic! Again, very convenient as it allowed Alaric and everyone else to return, except for the wolf guy who apparently was so pissed at Alaric that he'd rather die in a prison world than hold off his anger for like 5 minutes.
Sigh!
And then we have this last bit of contrivance that I couldn't care less about. So Kaleb was pissed at MG in that episode with his sister NOT because MG had betrayed his own intentions towards Kaleb's sister, but because Kaleb has a thing for Alyssa? And so does Jared? But Alyssa likes MG instead?
Who the fuck cares?
This episode was disappointing on so many levels, from the Sphinx riddle being fulfilled already, to Kai's interaction with the Legacies gang, to Kai and Hope's fight (I was expecting so much more between a tri-brid and a Heretic), to Kai's death, to everyone being saved and essentially having a happy ending for them all except for perhaps Lizzie, who lost Sebastian....as far as we can tell. Maybe he did make it to Malivore and will show up anyway. I could see that.
Josie restored Jade's humanity and now it looks like they're going to be an item...Jadie (you can't do Jose because that's too similar to José, which is a Hispanic name for a guy). I'm actually amazed at how Josie can forget past romances in the blink of an eye and move on to a new one. Penelope left her in S1 and she got with Landon. Then Landon left her and she's now with Jade. That's pretty quick work!
Now Landon has fire wings....which he better be able to do something cool with them. I mean....they're made of fucking fire! If all he can do is fly, that would suck! He better be able to burn shit to the ground like Nuclear Godzilla!
I think the one thing I'm happy about is that we have not seen the last of Dark Josie. It seemed weird that she returned to normal but at the end of the episode, we got that glimmer of darkness again. I liked Dark Josie and she has potential. She also has great hair! So much more volume and style than her typical hair. She needs to go back to Dark Josie.
