Riverdale - Tangerine

Discussing Ep.

- That's right, Jug. Play by the rules. Of course, you know he won't.

- AHA HA HA HA HA HA.....Ronnie didn't get into Dartmouth. Maybe she's not the genius she thought she was.

- Wow. Way to slag community colleges. Sure, they aren't the expensive educational monoliths that universities are, but they have their benefits too!

- Do they not even have colour photo technology in Riverdale either?

- "People die changing tires on the side of the road, Mr. Jones. At least I'd die with a shred of honour." What a stupid thing to say. Did they not paint Fred Andrews as a hero for sacrificing his life for Shannon Doherty by pushing her out of the way from an oncoming car while changing said tire? And now Archie completely negates that sacrifice with that one line. Well done, you fucking hack!

- Ya know, I'm thinking from earlier before.....didn't FP designate a bunch of Serpents as deputies? Why aren't they going around doing all the dirty work instead of Archie?

- What the fuck?

Is this Jug AND Charles talking to each other? Brother to brother? No set up? No big meeting between these two? Just Jug asking Charles for the FBI's help? It figures!

- That sucks! I wanted to see the footage of Polly freaking out!

- I hope Polly's possessed. THAT at least would be interesting.

- Sigh!

Ronnie addresses her as "abuelita," which means "grandmother." But in the next line, she calls her "Godmother." Godmother in Spanish is "madrina." Can they not even get this right?

- I love how they just came up with this Lodge family recipe for rum out of nowhere. Nowhere in the previous 3 seasons did they even HINT at the idea that the Lodge's became famous for rum production. And if they did, it wasn't noteworthy.

- So I'm guessing someone is calling Cooper women, saying some line that activates the serial killer gene and that's how they're turning into these killing machines all of a sudden. I mean....why the fuck not?

- I've got to admit, Alice looks both sexy and scary at the same time!

- That is such bullshit! Of course, Betty...the genius that she is and the luckiest person in the world....knows how to break Alice's hypnotic state with a mere snap of her fingers! Fuck this show!

- Well, that's one way to get to Hiram....through mom!

- Oh, fuck you, Archie! So, is he now in charge of his dad's construction company too? He's going to fire the foreman JUST BECAUSE he was interested in buying the company? A company that Archie is not even overseeing? Archie shouldn't be in charge of anything....he's too much driven by anger to be competent at anything!

- Yes! Tell me that Evelyn makes an appearance!

- What the fuck is this?

Man, I've never wanted one of Cheryl's stupid schemes to work more than this scheme of poisoning herself to death. All the best, Cheryl!

- Damn it! It was a ruse!

- I fail to see how Archie honours his father's memory in any way by always resorting to violence to get things done. It's like it's the only thing he knows how to do. I'll give massive credit to this show if by the end of it all, Archie turns into a pacifist and learns to handle problems through peace!

- I will say, it's a nice touch of attention to detail to have Cheryl with a spider broach and Penelope with a scorpion broach....both members of the arachnid family!

- "Lunatic child!" I miss Penelope!

- Oh, that's rich, Cheryl! Charging your mother with "gaslighting" when you did the same to Toni! And charging her with murder? Did you and Toni not just kill your uncle recently?

- Fuck! At least FP acknowledges that Fred would not approve one bit of FP and Archie going around and getting into brawls!

- So Dupont did it all legally. He bought the rights to the Baxter Bros. story from Forsythe for $5,000 (which must NOT have been cheap back then) and turned it into a fortune. Seems fair to me!

I'm actually kind of impressed that they deflated this puffed-up heroic journey that Jug went on. I'm happy to see that he turned out be wrong!

- Yes! I missed Evelyn!

- What? So once they're "triggered," they try to kill Dark Betty or anyone named Betty? Don't do it in front of Betty White then! This is up there with contrived plots, I'll give them that! I mean, if this was Edgar's idea, why didn't they employ it before he went into Evel Knievel mode?

- Damn, she looked sexy talking into the phone like that!

- So, saying the word "tangerine" three times will trigger the victims? I've heard saying "Bloody Mary" in the mirror three times in the dark yields unfortunate results too!

- Did Archie just get FP killed? Way to go, Arch! Hope you're happy.

- Shit, it's true! Darla is supposed to be Dodger's mom! THE ACTORS ARE BOTH THE SAME FUCKING AGE!!!!

- Yeah, what a surprise that Archie has no honour by keeping his word and decides to try and end another problem with violence!

- "It wasn't your happiness with the she-goblin that I wanted to destroy." AHA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Penelope always has the best insults.

- What....who is this guy? Is he a part of the cast? He looks familiar.

- LOL! Well done, Hiram! I like how plays. Sending the Columbia rep to Ronnie's bar to see how she operates.

- That is so fucking insulting. Having this guy pretend to be this woman's son. They are both the same age!

I guess it speaks more to her aged appearance and to his youthful looks than anything else!

- Well, you just stepped into it, didn't you Dodger? Because you're dealing with no ordinary teenager. You're dealing with....

- See what I mean? Dodger hit Archie full on with a metal plate and Archie just shrugged it off!

- I really hope Ronnie's song and dance left a sour taste in the Columbia's rep's mouth because she's just a stripper pole away from being an exotic dancer!

- Okay, first of all, does Ronnie not need some kind of license to make rum in the first place? I'm sure Hiram would have stopped that. Second, I applaud Hiram for getting a patent...but threatening to sue Ronnie for all that she has? She has NOTHING! It's pretty much all his anyway.

- "Underage party girl, Veronica Luna." My sentiments exactly!

- Ya know, if I were Jug, I'd be pissed at Archie for nearly getting my dad killed!

- Sigh!

Ya know, I feel bad for Dilton. He built that bunker. He made it. And now that he's gone, everyone and their mother is using it. The least they could do is call it Dilton's Bunker!

- Oh, for fuck's sakes. Going back and stopping the birth of Dark Betty? Doesn't she have a serial killer gene? Isn't Dark Betty a part of her genetics? It's not psychological, it's genetic! You can't kill it if it's genetic! These people can't even keep their canon straight!

- "Go and play."

First of all, the cat looks already dead. Secondly, telling young Betty to just go and play and essentially leave your dying cat to lay there and die a slow and painful death rather than take it to a fucking veterinarian is worse than killing it with a rock! At least killing it was a mercy killing.

- Oh, of course. Columbia likes people with good stories and Ronnie obviously has a good story. Bullshit! She has money and you just want her money, so just leave it at that!

- Ya know what...

Cheryl looks so much better without all the clown makeup. She looks far, far more sympathetic too.

- Damn! I'll give them credit for acknowledging that Archie is so far off the mark from what Fred would want him to be. There may be hope yet.

- LOL! Why do they look like they're from Hogwarts?

- I'm curious to know why Cheryl didn't do Jason's funeral...viking-style. Push him off into the river and then fire a flaming arrow at his casket. THAT would have been infinitely cooler!

- Wow, what a close family the Andrews clan is! Fred had a brother he never bothered to tell Archie about!

- So....Betty activated Dark Betty? Are we going to get the return of the black wig and dominatrix outfit too?

This was typical Riverdale....lots of contrived plots and stuff that made no sense. Why did they decide now to cleanse Cheryl of her obsession with Jason? Seemed kind of arbitrary that they did that. They seemingly ended the Baxter Bros. mystery for Jug, and the Dodger storyline came to an end rather abruptly too. So I'm assuming, come the new year, we'll get a whole new set of storylines that have little or nothing to do with these storylines and there will be no coherency whatsoever.

I will just sit here and enjoy one last time watching Evelyn speaking all sexy-like into the phone!

Riverdale - In Treatment

Discussing Ep. 4.8

- Oh, no! The boring videographer is back with his, or her, boring footage of people's houses. I had completely forgotten about this storyline and I'm surprised as all hell that they remembered it!

- I think Toni is more frightened at the doll being invited to watch the footage than the footage itself!

- Ohhhhhh.....Gina Torres!

Normally, I'd welcome such an actress to a show but she is FAR too good for this show! Her presence alone cannot elevate this show from the depths of shit that it has reached.

- "When did you become a liar?"
You're asking this of Betty....now? Where were you for the past 4 seasons, Alice?

- She didn't get into Yale....and she's surprised? Well, fuck...I'm surprised too! I mean, she's obviously overqualified, right? She's attended all of but two classes in high school, but why let that stop her or any other Riverdale student from getting into college or university? Especially Betty, who is so innately good at everything she does.....what does it matter that she didn't get into Yale? I'm sure she would have gotten bored within a week of Yale because it was "too easy!" Fuck this show!

- Oh, fucking hell!!!

First of all, since when did Alice give a damn about Betty's sex life? Since when did Alice give a damn about Betty, period? Secondly, I'm not one to side with Betty but she had an EASY argument, that being saving her idiot mother who decided to join a cult as an undercover agent and almost got herself killed doing so, not to mention all the other shit that they've been through. This is absolutely horrible writing and I don't know why they wrote Alice to be like this.

- What the fuck is this now?

They're logging all of Mrs. Burble's sessions as case numbers now?

- So now Alice Cooper is Alice Smith. Sounds like an alias and a really bad one at that. And plus, she's still wearing her wedding and engagement rings.....so this makes no sense.

- This is ridiculous! They drew this whole Alice/Betty drama OUT OF NOWHERE!!! So Betty didn't get into Yale and Alice believes that it's because she's having too much sex. This is so much contrived bullshit that I can't even wrap my head around it! This is such a waste of an acting talent like Gina Torres to be involved in a show this stupid!

- Whoa....hold up! So Alice admits that she was under the influence of Edgar....and that's why she gave away Betty's college fund, but then admits that she started working with Charles as an FBI undercover agent? No....NO!!!! You can't have it both ways! She was either working for the FBI since day one or she was legitimately under Edgar's influence. Fuck this show and their shitty writing!

- I'll give Betty credit for spilling all the events of the last 3 seasons. At least she did that.

- "She's too young to have sex."

This show is admitting this now? Betty has admitted she is all of 16 years old at this point but has been fucking Jughead like a rabbit for 3 seasons now.....which means that she may well have been 14 or 15 when she became sexually active! This is the most irresponsible show that I know of and no doubt contributes to the warped views that young people have about sex. You contrast this with the way Legacies wrote the Josie/Landon relationship and I can't help but shake my head at this show because it does nothing to help kids have an appreciation and respect for what the sex act actually means!

- And another thing....Betty is NOT an adult, not is she's 16 years old. Now, maybe it's different in the States but to my knowledge, Alice is responsible for Betty until she turns 18. And while I'm not defending Alice in any way (they've done a horrible job with her character as well), they're elevating these kids to a level they don't deserve to be on. At 16 years old, you DON'T know what you're doing! Trust me.....trust anyone who was 16 and can look back with years of experience and maturity behind them.....you don't know what you're doing!

- And again, this show goes on to blame the parents and glorify the kids. Yeah, it's all about Alice having a hard time letting go of her little girl. Never mind all the bad decisions Betty has done of her own volition. But yeah....it's all the parents fault. The parents and adults on this show don't know shit and the kids are supreme! Fuck this show!

- Archie sleeping in class is a surprise to anyone?

Actually, I'm surprised he's even in class at all!

- So the teacher doesn't send Archie to the principal's office for sleeping in class....he sends him to the school counsellor? What fucking school does that?

- "I try to carry on his legacy." Yeah....I don't recall Fred Andrew's legacy involving beating people up and telling the local businesses to "get out of my way!"

- He's missed a lot of FOOTBALL!!! According to Mrs. Burble, Archie's missed a lot of...not school....but FOOTBALL! How does that make any sense?

- If Archie had said "I put on a mask....and I try to be Batman," I'd have applauded this show!

- Well, shit! At least they're acknowledging that Archie is angry. But he failed to admit that he's an idiot! And he deserves to be spoken to like a moron because he IS A MORON!

- WHAT THE FUCK?!?!? How is Archie 18 and Betty 16? HOW?!?

- Sigh!

- 26 absences for Cheryl? Yeah right! More like 260!

- Raising twin toddlers......and why isn't ALICE FUCKING RAISING THE TODDLERS?!?

- If they write it that Mrs. Burble (and they keep switching from Ms. to Mrs.....it's annoying) diagnoses Cheryl as having narcissistic personality disorder.....I'll be HIGHLY impressed.

- She has a 4.0.....despite missing an admitted 26 days of school!

- A lifetime of trauma.....endured as a teenager. Unimaginable? You're damn right it is!

- I'll say this....her character needed this moment to get some kind of grace back because she's been so intolerable!

- Okay, Cheryl calling Mrs. Burble a "mallard" because she didn't understand that Cheryl had TWO brothers is uncalled for. Whatever sympathy I was starting to feel for her just went out the window with that one insult.

- Seriously....Cheryl is the one being gaslit? It wasn't Cheryl gaslighting someone else....like Toni perhaps?

- Well, at least Cheryl didn't get to keep her Vixens!

- So Ronnie got into Harvard! Based on what? Hiram pulling some strings and got her in is an explanation I could buy. Not her getting in because of her academic standing.

- So they're going back with this Luna nonsense. There is only one Luna in the CW Universe....my Luna!

- Wow! I'm surprised that Mrs. Burble is calling Ronnie out on her hypocritical behaviour!

- And Ronnie challenging Mrs. Burble's diagnosis is just ridiculous! Again, these stupid kids challenging the adults is out of control.

- She's a straight A student and runs two flourishing businesses. That line makes no sense at all and cannot exist in any sense of reality!

- WHAT THE FUCK?!?

He doesn't even go to school there anymore! Why is she having a session with this guy? Under what obligation is she required to spend one minute diagnosing this fucker?!? THIS MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!!!!

- What the hell is it with the shaky camera? With Mrs. Burble, it's steady, but with Jughead, it's all over the place! Why are they doing that? Is it supposed to be symbolic? It's more annoying than anything else.

- Damn! I'll give Mrs. Burble credit....she humbled Jug quite quickly! Well done.

- You know what....that was a nice moment between Jug and FP!

- I will be most upset if they write it that Nana Blossom was the one gaslighting Cheryl. Well, maybe not upset. I'll laugh first....but then I'll be upset because then they will have to write it that Cheryl overcomes Nana because they have to make the kids supreme on this show. Fuck this show!

- Sigh!

Mrs. Burble DID NOT recommend Ronnie go head-to-head in a battle of business with her father. He told her to walk away. But of course, Ronnie is going to challenge him in the business world, and she's going to win because the kids are supreme on this show! Fuck this show!

- And to boot....shes' going to make RUM?!? She's barely old enough to drink but she's going to deal in liquor production?

This episode had such potential. I think Mrs. Burble was the like the only adult to have ever gotten the better of the main characters of the show, and so I applaud her for that. But it's all for nothing! Nothing will change. Cheryl will go back to being the intolerable bitch she's always been.....Archie is once again going back to being Stupid Archie who does everything out of anger.....Ronnie is once again challenging her father in the realm of business, trying to get the better of him.....and Betty will go and do whatever it is that she does that no 16 year old has any right doing.

That still boggles my mind. Betty is 16 years old, which means that when she was doing all that Dark Betty webcamming for older men nonsense, she was either 14 or 15 years old.

That's fucking disgusting and the writers and producers of this show should be ashamed of themselves!

Riverdale - The Ice Storm

Discussing Ep. 4.7

- I was like...."Thanksgiving?!? We already had Thanks....oh, wait, this is American Thanksgiving. I forgot!" LOL!

- "Hiram ran unopposed, allowing him to ascend to power overnight." Only in Riverdale could a new mayor come into power overnight!

- Damn it.....I KNOW HER!!! Where do I know her from?

- Alcoholism? That's the best excuse Dupont could give for Chipping killing himself?

- The phones......again....the phones.....

- Fucking hell! So Toni's problem isn't that she killed a human being....it isn't Cheryl's nonchalant plan of dumping a family member into the icy river to get rid of the evidence.....it's that someone is watching her?

- Oh, that's wonderful logic, Cheryl. Toni should free herself of the guilt because she committed manslaughter, not murder! The fuck is this nonsense?

- Wooooooo!!!! FP is there to shut down Archie's little Thansgiving get-together. I should feel horrible about that....but I don't!

- "Ronnie, where did you get all of this?"

Where she gets everything else, Archie....she pulls it all out of her ass when it's convenient!

- BAH HA HA HA HA HA....FP claims the gym is still an active crime scene? Then why the fuck didn't he cordon it off? Why didn't he shut it down? Any evidence he was hoping to collect is probably worthless now with all the activity that's gone on since Dodger's beating. What kind of incompetent sheriff do we have here?

- Oh, look at how cute and domestic Falice looks!

- Wow, Ronnie! Real mature. Way to go and ruin Hermosa's first Thanksgiving with the family!

- Ya know what....it's about time someone shed a fucking tear over Fred Andrews and missing him on Thanksgiving. You'd never know he was missed by looking at anyone else! Good on Mary for that!

- Why isn't Aunt Cricket calling the cops and issuing a missing person's report? If Uncle Bedford was last seen at Thistlehouse.....wouldn't that be the first place she'd send the cops to? And Cheryl and Toni's complete lack of concern or guilt or emotion over committing murder is rather unsettling.

- Quill and Skull. Now they're going with the whole campus secret society a la Skull and Bones from Yale.

- "Of all the burger joints, they have to walk into ours." What other burger joints are there in Riverdale? Does Riverdale even have a McDonald's?

- Okay, I barely get Hiram and Hermosa going to Pop's for a meal amidst the "worst ice storm ever," but I don't get Falice doing that at all. Unless the power went out at their place, then I could believe it. Otherwise, why bother? They had food at home. Cook at home! Has anyone on the writing staff ever been through an ice storm before? I've been through one. You can't drive! It's fucking ice out there!

- AHA HA HA HA HA HA!!! I loved FP's reaction to Alice inviting the Lodge's to join them!

- Whoa! Looks like the Easter Bunny has had enough with kids taking his chocolate eggs!

- Why is the infirmary locked up? Why is there no staff there during an ice storm when all the students are still in residence and they....I don't know....may need emergency medical attention?!?

- "You're too good for this world, Archiekins." Oh, shut up, Veronica! Just shut the fuck up!!!

- Whoa....what? Did Darla just point out a glaring absurdity?
"I'm Archie...I run the centre."
"But...you're just a kid yourself!"
Yes, it's absurd, isn't it, lady?

- Oh, fuck off, Riverdale! Just fuck off! So now Betty can stitch wounds too?

I bet if she were to enrol in medical school, she'd quit in like a month in because it was "too easy" for her! Fuck this show!

- Who the hell is doing the cooking at Thistlehouse? I refuse to believe that Cheryl can cook.

- I laughed when that woman pulled out the gun. And it's funny that Archie says that "no one here tried to hurt Dodger" when he beat the shit out of him dressed as the Masked Avenger!

- Why would Jug assume that Bret would cop to being in a secret society.....when it's a secret society?

- So Betty took the pin. Why didn't she just take a photo of it and leave it there so as to not draw suspicion that SHE WAS SNOOPING AROUND DONNA'S ROOM IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! I fail to see how she's too good for the FBI. She sucks!

- I'll say this....at least they're consistent with Archie's stupidity. His grand plan is to go and get all the weapons he's confiscated (knives, bats, etc.) and start an all out brawl with Dodger's family. And why? Because violence is Archie's first and only response to problems! I give Ronnie credit for being the voice of reason in this.

- "You know what I think, Carrot Top? I think you got a hero complex!"

I love this woman! I'm rooting for her in this encounter.

- "Now that was a touching display. Hell, another day, I might have even cried. But not today!" This woman's awesome! I want her to be a regular on the show!

- Yeah, I'm not surprised Mary Andrews could pull that level of violence out of herself. Archie's penchant for violence has to come from somewhere!

- FP is reminding Hiram about the hit he put out on Jughead. Jug barely acknowledges it. Archie has been the target of Hiram's wrath far more times than Jughead, and he seems to have COMPLETELY forgotten about that. Why is FP still hung up on it?

- I liked that confrontation between FP and Hiram. It felt more gritty than any of the encounters Archie and friends ever have.

- Nana Blossom is awesome!

- Cheryl better be bluffing. She had seriously better be bluffing because if she legit baked Uncle Bedford into those meat pies, then all hope is lost!

- I fail to see how Cheryl could prove Aunt Cricket of committing cannibalism without incriminating herself and Toni of murder or manslaughter.

- Oh! That was unexpected. Mr. Chipping and Donna....having an affair?

- So they're going to be bringing back the Serpents? Again? Sigh!

- Man, I seriously hope there is a ghost of Julian that wreaks havoc on Cheryl and Toni because I cannot stand the two of them!

- Oh, fuck Betty and Jug too! I'm glad Bret is filming them and hope he blackmails them by threatening to put their sex tape on the Internet! Then again, knowing Betty and her kinky side, she'd probably welcome the attention and even offer to dress up as Dark Betty, black wig and all, for the next sex tape release.

- An unexpected tribute....but a nice one just the same.

Once again, I find myself rooting for the guest villains. Mrs. Dodger was awesome! I hope we have not seen the last of her but I fear she'll go the way of Penny and come to some unfortunate end.

It's a funny thing about Cheryl and Toni. I COULD be into them if they had established this kind of Addams Family quirk to them in seasons before. But not now! Now, it just comes off as stupid. Toni and Cheryl committed manslaughter, at best. And despite how they felt about Uncle Bedford, who they knew for all of 10 minutes.....he didn't deserve to die. But neither of them feel remorse or guilt about it and instead are all giggles and happy feelings after they cooked his meat and served it to his remaining family. Again, the Addams Family doing that.....I could applaud that because with them it's darkly funny.

These two buffoons? No! They haven't earned that at all and it's not funny, it's stupid. I hope Julian's ghost and that doll really goes poltergeist-clown on them and destroys them both!

Riverdale - Hereditary

Discussing Ep. 4.6

- Oh, fuck you, Riverdale!

Are you trying to compete with Batwoman or something. It really wasn't enough to make Archie like Super Cena....you really had to now make him into Batman. Just....fuck off!

- Is it wrong of me that I'm actually rooting for Dodger?

- Now that's what I'm talking about....

Nana Rose, Penelope Blossom, Dead Jason and....some guy I don't know (is that Claudius)....and a creepy puppet. That's a dream team right there. Is it wrong of me that I hope these hauntings scare Cheryl and Toni to death, like literally?

- And yes, by all means Julian....inhabit Cheryl's body. ANY other personality has to be better than hers!

- It's funny that I should like this puppet more than any character on Riverdale!

- Damn, I feel bad for Hermosa. To move from Miami to that shit town of Riverdale? That's a serious downgrade. Plus, so far I'm on Team Hermosa. Because any team that's against Team Veronica is a team I want to play for!

- Yeah, Jug's conspiracy theories are usually spot on! I forgot that secret power of Jughead, to be able to see connections when others can't. But for some reason now, Betty is sceptical of Jug's theory about his granddad being an author of those books. Meanwhile Betty is investigating her half brother because she thinks he's a serial killer. No hypocrisy there though, right?

- On a side note.....why hasn't FP met or talked with Charles? Isn't FP Charles' father? Isn't Jug his half brother? Why are these family meetings not happening?

- Well, that's someone I thought I'd never see again. Chic!

- Wait....what? Are they actually recalling correctly past storyline history with Chic and Charles? No way!!!

- BAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! Okay, first off, Toni asking why Cheryl wasn't at school is funny in and of itself. When are ANY of them at school?!? Second, Cheryl worried about leaving her infant twins with Nana Rose when the ghost of Julian is wandering about? Yeah, Cheryl....that should be your main concern....the ghost! NEVER MIND THAT YOU'RE LEAVING INFANT TWINS IN THE CARE OF A WOMAN WHO CAN BARELY WALK!!!! Why hasn't Alice come to claim her grandchildren yet?

- "You've missed way too much school!"

Like it matters!

- Sigh!

TVD/TO witches are busting a gut laughing at this right now.

- Ya know, Betty's a real fucking piece of work, getting on her high horse and judging Charles and being all suspicious of him. Not saying he's innocent but Betty has participated in the concealment of a dead person her mother killed, has shot and killed her own father, and has donned a black wig and a leather dress to play cam-girl for horny older men on the Internet. Where the hell does she get off on judging Charles for anything?!? Fuck her!

- I'm surprised, with all their throwback technology, that Charles has a polygraph machine. Why not use Doc Brown's mind reading machine since they're so into retro shit.

- Riverdale really is full of stupid, fucking people. These kids are getting into a life of crime....for free pizza? Do they really have no loftier ambitions than that?

- How is it that not enough people in Riverdale know about Archie's youth centre, according to Veronica? Why does Betty have to write about it in a high school newspaper and how in the world would that even help? HE HAD A PRESS CONFERENCE ABOUT IT IN THE LAST EPISODE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! Alice even reported about it! It's in fucking RIVERDALE! RIVERDALE IS A TOWN, NOT A CITY! IT'S NOT SOME VAST METROPOLIS THAT NEED A BIG PRESS RELEASE TO GET PEOPLE TO HIS STUPID GYM! WHERE DO THEY THINK THEY ARE....NEW YORK?!? I'm getting a headache with this!

- An infant....swallowed....a ping pong ball! A full grown adult can barely get a ping pong ball into their mouth, let alone swallow one. Then again, these are the two twins who mysteriously floated into the sky rather than be burned by fire.

- I so fucking hate this.

I hate how Ronnie is explaining to Hermione how to be a hostess at her club like Hermione is some kind of teenager starting her first ever job. This is so demeaning.

- And now this.

So not only does she leave two babies in the care of an invalid, but she leaves burning candles EVERYWHERE unattended for no reason at all! Seriously, I just hope the ghost of Julian burns everything to the fucking ground!

- Aunt Cricket....Uncle Bedford....who the hell are these people?

- Yeah, Betty! I hope you're satisfied,you judgemental bitch! Though knowing Riverdale, they'll make it that Betty was right all along and Charles is really Charles Manson or something like that.

- Since when did Riverdale turn into The Originals? Now Aunt Cricket wants to go to the chapel to "visit with the ancestors." Do they give her power like they do in New Orleans?

- Hermione: "Over my dead body!"
Hiram: "That can be arranged."
AHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! I liked that.

I'm actually alright with this. Reason being, it fits. Hermione and Hiram have been at this for YEARS where they have played this game so this kind of reaction from either of them makes sense. It makes sense that Hiram knows how to play Hermione like a fiddle, as much as she might not like it.

In some ways, Hiram reminds me of JR Ewing. I know that's a very OLD reference that a lot of kids won't get and they are missing out because I remember watching reruns of the show Dallas when I was a kid with my mom. While I never got to see all the episodes because it was just reruns, from what I did see I just remember him being the EPITOME of the rich, villainous, manipulative, power hungry lothario who could treat a woman like trash one minute and seduce her into his bed the next. Even as a kid, though I didn't understand the adult references and nuances, I understood that he was a bad guy that always got his way. You'd hate him for it but at the same time, you respected and loved him. If the Riverdale writers were any good, they could have made Hiram into a JR Ewing. Sadly, the Riverdale writers are just not that good.

Just for references sake, here is a collection of JR's best moments. I'm thinking of getting seasons of Dallas because of JR alone. He was such a great villain!

- Ya know, if these kids were really smart, they'd have haggled Ronnie and Archie for not just arcade games and pizza, but for cars, smartphones, clothes......if Ronnie and Archie are so keen on competing, make them really work for it!

- Oh, I do like this. I like how Hiram is getting to Ronnie. Because like Betty, Ronnie has a lot of nerve to be so judgemental about her mother. For all that Hiram did, Ronnie was still willing to do business with him so she should just get off that high horse that Betty and her ride on and just shut up!

- Oh shit! They're actually bringing that back up? They're bringing back Betty's sordid history and Alice's involvement in killing that guy? I love it!

- I really, really hope we get a FP-Charles moment. We have to. They're both heading off together to try and clean up Betty's mess. It's a perfect father-son moment that needs to happen!

- It's an interesting double standard. Ronnie's character can get away with saying "asshat" but cannot get away with saying "asshole." It's strange.

- Well, at least with Dodger knowing about Archie's masked identity, it means that he won't put on that stupid mask anymore.

- Okay, that really sucks!

We deserved an FP-Charles moment. We deserved to see that heartfelt moment between a father and his long-lost son. This is so fucking infuriating the moments they choose NOT to show!

- "Get out of my sight now while I'm still willing to forget that you had the audacity to summon me." I liked that line for some reason. I like Mr. Dupont.

- Go figure that I'd be a big fan of Hermosa. I really am! She's so much less annoying and less hypocritical that Veronica!

- And go figure that I'd be a big fan of Uncle Bedford and Aunt Cricket! I love how they're just getting to Cheryl and are bent on bringing her down and selling off Thistlehouse. I'm definitely on their team too!

- Fucking right!!!

That's what I'm talking about! Dodger and his crew stepping it up a notch with guns blazing! Let's see Super Cena dodge bullets! Actually having said that and knowing this show, I wouldn't be surprised one bit if at some point they make Archie into Neo from the Matrix! Because why not? Logic and reality doesn't exist on this show.

- Oh, Archie is so stupid. So now he's going back to the man who essentially wanted him dead....for a favour? I'm sure Ronnie is just going to be thrilled with that!

- Happy trails, Mr. Chipping!

- Oh shit

So now Toni has just committed murder, it seems. I knew she was stupid for staying with Cheryl. Now, her failure is complete!

- AHA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! I'm not even upset at Charles and Chic being in on a scheme together. I applaud it!

- Noooooo!!! Don't be dead, Dodger. DON'T BE DEAD! WE NEED YOU!!!!

This show sucks so bad, I'm actually rooting for, and fans of, the villainous newcomers than I am for the regular cast. Hermosa, Charles and Chic, Aunt Cricket and Uncle Bedford (well....not anymore I guess), Dodger, Julian's puppet ghost, Mr. Dupont.....all of them are wreaking havoc and making fools of the main characters and I couldn't be happier. I know that at some point, the main characters will prevail in the most ridiculous way possible but for now, I'll revel in their collective misery!

On a side note, I think I know why there has been such an infrequent use of Reggie. I just saw the new trailer for Bad Boys and Reggie (Charles Melton) is in it! Plus, he's filming another movie called Swing so I can see why we don't see that much of Reggie. Still, if they knew he wasn't going to be around much, they shouldn't have given him such a promising storyline with his abusive father only to end it so unbelievably. In essence, Reggie is like the Bonnie of Riverdale. I don't know how anyone from the Riverdale production team has a job given this level of incompetence!