Riverdale - Fast Times At Riverdale High

Discussing Ep. 4.2

- I'm laughing while watching the "last time on Riverdale" montage.....I forgot about Betty's FBI brother!

- Sigh! So Archie is going to get his diploma only because his dad would have wanted it. That's not real motivation. And Mad Dog has missed....what....pretty much all of high school? Are you telling me he's going to be going into the same grade as Archie? And Archie is going into the same grade as everyone else? He's missed like a whole year!

- How in the world did Cheryl even dress Jason?!? He's got to be as stiff as a board at this point! HE CAN'T MOVE! It'd be next to impossible to move his limbs to get any clothes on him. And this would be the case just a few days after he died. He's been dead for 3 years. THREE!!! And he looks AMAZING for a dead guy! Man, I should only hope I look as good as that when I'm dead for 3 fucking years!

- Ya know, I even looked it up. Jason would be a skeleton at this point. Like seriously, the body apparently starts to liquify after a year! IT'S BEEN THREE YEARS!!! And consider the fact that his body was found IN A RIVER!!! At best, he should look like some bloated science experiment!

- These people have no class. None whatsoever. Yeah, let's just make out in front of our friends in their own fucking house! And then let's just fuck each other in their own fucking house!

- Synchronized Sex. This is pathetic. I'm fast forwarding.

- What?!? Weatherbee is gone? And he's been replaced by a guy named Principal Honey? Seriously? They couldn't give him a better name? Is this supposed to be a play on Weatherbee's name?

- "Now, get out of my sight." I like him already!

- The look on Reggie's face pretty much sums up my thoughts thus far!

- I miss The Farm. I miss Evelyn. She had style. I hope she returns.

- So the school calls Jug by his nickname, not his real name of Forsythe?

- Why—in the world—is this dude—who is offering Jug a position at Stonewall Prep—going to Jug's school and having him come to the principal's office—to make this offer? He couldn't give him a phone call? Send a letter in the mail? Visit him at home? No, he has to go to his school, interrupt his classes and make this offer in front of the new principal. Why?

- What the fuck was that?!? Paparazzi? Are you kidding me? Not enough people care about Veronica Lodge and her life in some backwater town to send 50 paparazzi to hound her at school and get 'the scoop' on her family. And no school would even allow such a thing! Talk about exaggeration!

- And I love how Archie and Ronnie were just walking down the hallway alone while all the other students were in class. I fail to see how Ronnie is going to Harvard when she doesn't attend any classes.

- Wait a minute. Don't you have to be voted Student Body President each year? The year just started. How is Cheryl the President of Student Body already?

- "There will be no back-to-school dance!" I really like this guy!

- And poor Toni. Does she even get any speaking roles or is she just relegated to being Cheryl's accessory again this year?

- Is that Reggie's dad? So we're finally going to meet the child beater! This should be interesting.

- Okay, what the fuck? Where was Reggie's dad FOR THE PAST 3 SEASONS?!? If he's this much of a psycho parent and so dementedly interested in Reggie's life, even in football, where has he been? Why have we not seen him? For all the stuff that Reggie did last year, you'd think this guy would have shown up to beat Reggie down to a pulp at some point. But we're only seeing him now, at a football practice no less. This is ridiculous!

- Was that a roll of film? Why is that guy using a camera that uses a roll of film? Why isn't he using his cell phone? And he couldn't take a photo of Ronnie when she was in the hallway or something? He had to attempt to take one in the girl's lockerroom while they were all showering and changing? And the most Ronnie did was ruin his roll of film? Why aren't they calling security on this guy?

- I've quickly come to realize that Riverdale is porn for girls! Half naked men's bodies...the sex scenes....it's light-porn for girls!

- Oh, for CRYING OUT LOUD!!! Mr. Chippy went to Jug's house! WHY DIDN'T HE DO THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE?!?

- Yeah, Charles....classified information....THAT YOU JUST LEAVE OUT IN THE OPEN FOR ANYONE TO SEE!!! Look up what "classified information" is supposed to mean, you idiot!

- Oh, for fuck's sakes! Where is Toni? Is she in Dracula's Castle? Why is she walking around with a candelabra? Is the power out? What am I watching right now?

- The fucking obligatory Cheryl-walking-down-the-middle-of-the-school-hallway-like-a-boss shot. Can't have a season without that, right? Fuck this show!

- "I'm the Queen Bee. You have no power over me." It's shit like that that makes me hate Cheryl and wants to see her put down!

- And apparently Jug is going to study at Wayne Manor!

- Bret Weston Wallace....could they come up with a more preppy name than that?

- Reggie flat out admitted that his dad beat him before. Why is this suddenly news to Ronnie? And why does she even care at this point?

- Reggie is showing up every other day now with some kind of black eye or injury from his dad beating him. But apparently Reggie's dad didn't touch him all of last year! What changed?

- And Stupid Archie is back! You don't go and threaten Reggie's dad, regardless how in the right you think you are! What happened to him trying to be like Fred?

- Oh fuck me, I can't....I just can't....

So Jug is so intelligent....so insightful....so wise that he stumped a bunch of prep school students in his first class? Fuck off!

- Oh, fuck you, Cheryl! Fuck you!

- Oh, you idiot, Betty! YOU IDIOT! You told Kev about your mom?

- AHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!  I really like Mr. Honey! Ruining Cheryl's party like that! Brilliant!

- So Stupid Archie is actually contagious. He's infected Reggie! Now Reggie is Stupid Reggie!

- And his dad's fancy car doesn't have an alarm? Right!

- Yeah, sure....why not? Betty and Jug just up and leave class without any word from the teacher! Is it any wonder why Riverdale High is such a crap school?

- And of course Riverdale is full of a bunch of unmotivated and intellectually deficient bums that it's easy for Jug and Betty to see the contrast between Riverdale and Stonewall. This is all new, by the way! It wasn't like this before!

- This better not be the end of Reggie's story. Trashing his dad's car and having a heart-to-heart DOES NOT end abuse in any reality whatsoever!

- What is this cabaret shit? When did they have time to rehearse any of this? And why is Cheryl and Toni a part of it?

- Seriously Cheryl? A bee hive? I REALLY hope they are going to write Mr. Honey proper and have him put Cheryl in her fucking place! I'm tired of these kids getting the upper hand on adults who have more resources and more experience than they do!

- So now Hippie Edgar has become Rambo!

- Whoa! Jelly Bean grew a lot, it seems!

- Is this how episodes are going to end....with a glimpse of the future?

This was....I don't know what to say! I don't think I've ever asked as many questions as I did in this episode about why anything is happening. It's clear that all logic and all reason and any semblance of reality went right out the window. They're not even trying anymore.

And the irony of it all is, in storyline they're harping on Riverdale students for being empty-headed and uninterested in dissecting great works of literature like Moby Dick, when THIS show does NOTHING to encourage real-world students to engage and use their brain to do the same. I'm not looking for Shakespeare here, but this show completely insults the intelligence of their audience by having completely unreal and ridiculous elements peppered throughout each episode. And yet there are some kids who look at this show like it's a great show. It's not!

Believe me, it's not!